Dear Quentin,
My husband and I got married three years ago. I am a 60-year-old widow. “John” is 62, and was married and divorced twice. I have three adult kids who are completely financially independent. He has four adult kids, two from each marriage.
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John’s older two children, who are in their late 30s, are very successful. The younger two — his son, 31, and daughter in her mid-20s — have not made great life decisions and are still reliant on their father for financial support, which is ongoing.
His 31-year-old son has four very young children with his “partner.” They both consider themselves single and yet they live together, and she would like a fifth child. His son cannot seem to stick with a job and refuses suggestions for a career in the trades.
I am president of the business my late husband owned. I retired from my nursing career to take on this role when he died. The business is very successful but definitely a niche company. John retired from his management position when we married.
He moved into my large, mortgage-free home. He receives Social Security and has completed five years of spousal support. His second ex-wife got nearly half of his pension and other financial assets. That said, he has $1.2 million invested.
Spending money on his adult children
When we married, we agreed that his expenses (for his credit card, his vehicle and the two small homes he still owns) would be his responsibility. Since I have more in assets, I agreed that I would pay for all of our entertainment, groceries, meals and vacations. I have close to $5 million in investments.
I also offered to help him pay for flight lessons, a bucket-list item. We would meet in the middle for other things.
Well, it is not working out that way.
His younger son and family are living in one of the small homes that John owns. John has not seen any rent from his son in four years. He started paying for utilities and water after they were shut off several times. He stops by with groceries and things for the kids. John also helps his 20-something daughter, who has several vices and subsequently can’t make ends meet.
